What Have I Done?

Name: What Have I Done?
Brand: Penguin Random House UK
Availability: InStock
Author: Laura Dockrill
ISBN: 9781473582774

Author: Laura Dockrill

Narrator: Laura Dockrill

Unabridged: 7 hr 25 min

Format: Digital Audiobook Download

Publisher: Vintage Digital

Published: 04/23/2020

Categories: Nonfiction, Biography & Autobiography, Memoirs, Psychology, Mental Health, Women, Social Science, Women's Studies, Family & Relationships, Parenting

Synopsis

Brought to you by Penguin.

'A book to save a whole generation of women'
Adele

'This moving book was a pleasure to read and I didn't want to put it down. If anyone is going through a similar experience it will make them feel less alone'
Philippa Perry

This is a raw and honest memoir about being devastated by post-partum psychosis and coming through the other side.

Laura Dockrill had an idyllic pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet her new baby. But as she went into labour things began to go wrong and Laura started to struggle. A traumatic birth, anxiety about the baby, sleep deprivation, a slow recovery - all these things piled up until Laura (like any new mum) felt overwhelmed.

As many as 8 out of 10 new mums struggle in the weeks after birth. In Laura's case these feelings escalated scarily quickly into post-partum psychosis. She became paranoid and delusional and had to be institutionalised for a fortnight without her baby. Throughout this time she was haunted by a sense of: 'What have I done?', at first as she wondered if she could cope with her baby, and later because she was trying to grasp at reality as she slipped into nightmarish delusion.

Laura's experience was devastating but this is a hopeful book. Not only has Laura slowly recovered she has come out the other side stronger and more assured about parenting on her own terms. Now she is determined to break the silence around post-natal mental health and with her story tell new parents: you are not alone.

*ONE OF STYLIST'S BEST NON-FICTION BOOKS FOR 2020 AND EVENING STANDARD'S BEST BOOKS TO LOOK FORWARD TO IN 2020*

Praise for What Have I Done?

'A humblingly honest and human war report from the front lines of mothering psychosis and recovery; there is no other book like it, and it is so desperately needed'
Giovanna Fletcher

'This book will give women and their families confidence that the brain and body will heal. It will encourage other women to speak out'
Dr Jessica Heron, CEO of Action on Postpartum Psychosis

'A raw, honest, important book'
Caitlin Moran

'An amazing read. A comfort to women recovering who read this and realise that all their crazy mad thoughts were the illness; and not themselves'
Fiona Telford, postpartum psychosis survivor

©Laura Dockrill 2020 (P) Penguin Audio 2020

About Laura Dockrill

Laura Dockrill is an award-winning childrenâ€™s author, illustrator, script-writer and performance poet who has been shortlisted for the Waterstonesâ€™ Book of the Year prize and twice been nominated for the Carnegie Medal. As a poet she is a poet-in-residence for Radio 1. As a script-writer she co-wrote Goldfish which was nominated for the BAFTA for Best British Short in 2020. As a playwright her work has been seen at the Bush Theatre, the Royal Festival Hall and the Young Vic, and she has published an adult memoir called What Have I Done? which detailed her struggles with post-partum psychosis and for which she is now writing a TV series script. She is on the advisory panel at The Ministry Of Stories, was the writer in residence for Booktrust and has judged many literary prizes. She is also the founder of â€˜This Is Not a Female Tribeâ€™, a networking session for women in the arts. She grew up in Brixton, attended the Brit School and still lives in London with her husband and son.

Reviews

Goodreads review by Emma on November 06, 2020

I suffered with PND after the birth of my son in 2013. I’ve tried to talk about it openly, and I’ve found comfort in reading novels which focus on PND. However, I’ve discovered that there is a marked difference between reading a novel, in which a fictionalised character suffers, to reading a memoir.......more

Goodreads review by Anna on June 01, 2020

A searingly honest and brave account of trauma, resilience and recovery. This was very difficult to read at times, but Dockrill’s graphic and unflinching candour is valuable and necessary.......more

Goodreads review by zoe on June 19, 2020

The best book I have read this year. So honest, raw, inspiring, insightful and brave. A book everyone needs to read.......more

Goodreads review by Charlotte on July 06, 2020

A few years ago, I attended a course where Laura Dockrill was a guest speaker; promoting her children's book - Darcy Burdock. Playing to a room full of jaded teachers, prepped on reheated morning pastries and instant coffee, we eyed her suspiciously. Who was this whirling dervish of electric blue ey......more

Goodreads review by Fabulous Book Fiend on May 06, 2020

I feel very lucky to have been able to listen to this book on audio. I pre-ordered the audiobook of this memoir because I knew I wanted to read it in Laura’s own words and having her tell me her story herself was truly a powerful experience. It's definitely the best audiobook experience I have had i......more

Quotes

Thank you for this book, for shining a light on the darkness of psychosis, an illness that absolutely does happen to people like us. I found this book a balm for my soul, and am grateful to Laura for bravely penning such a beautiful account of an illness that is rarely talked about

Mind-blowing

A book for those of us who didn’t have the fairytale. It’s important to know that even though things don’t always go to plan it doesn’t mean you aren’t a superhero or a power mum in your own right. Thank you Laura for making us all feel worthy. A must-read for all of those muddling through.

I saw the end of the world in her eyes. I knew she was in there somewhere but she was being held prisoner by her mind and we were all helpless to it. Sometimes things happen to us which means we can save other people, my own experience with mental health helped save her and now here she is about to save a whole generation of women!

A humblingly honest and human war-report from the front lines of mothering, psychosis and recovery: there is no other book like it, and it is so desperately needed.

Amazing. This book is proof that although Laura’s mind was her undoing, it is also an incredible asset which is going to help so many people.

Laura’s raw, honest book gets to the core of postpartum psychosis. Her style is blunt, graphic, diary-like, unflinchingly confessional - at times so colloquial that we feel we know her, or we want to know her: for her bravery in writing this book, for her humanity, for her sisterhood. She has emerged with a greater understanding of self, with deeper compassion for those who suffer from mental illness, and with a determination to combat stigma and ignorance by speaking out. Ultimately I hope this book will give women and their families confidence that the brain and body will heal. And I hope it will encourage other women to speak out.

An incredibly powerful book. Brave, brilliant and so, so important.

This book will bring hope to many women and their partners who have struggled with their mental health during this already nerve-wracking and overwhelming time.