Staying Married is the Hardest Part
A Memoir of Passion, Secrets, and Sacrifice

2025 IPPY Awards Silver Medalist for Sexuality/Relationships2025 ZIBBY Most Anticipated Book of 20252025 ZIBBY Summer Reads SelectionCan a loving relationship endure career setbacks, infidelities, and mismatched sexual desires? This is the question psychologist Bonnie Comfort grapples with as she navigates her unpredictable thirty-year marriage to Hollywood screenwriter Bob, while she provides marital therapy to others.Bob is affectionate, brilliant, and hilarious—but his sexual desires are incompatible with Bonnie’s. Despite her misgivings, she indulges his kinks, which often included photographing her in lingerie. Their Hollywood life is exciting, but eventually Bob’s growing career frustrations lead to his complete sexual shutdown. Tensions rise, and Bob suggests Bonnie have discreet affairs and not tell him. She does just that—but when she confesses her infidelities five years later, his sexual demands become more extreme. When she complies, Bonnie feels shame; when she refuses, as she increasingly does, their fights threaten to tear their marriage apart. Bonnie understands the rhythm of disconnection and repair that is common in love relationships. As we follow the journey of her own life, she shares with the reader the nature of intimacy, distance and expectations placed on long-term love. With honesty and vulnerability, she recounts the passionate highs and lows of her own marriage which sadly ends with Bob’s death. As she grieves, Bonnie reflects on her role in their marital struggles and offers profound insights about marriage from her personal and professional experience. Her story lays bare the complexities of love, the ongoing challenges women face in intimate relationships, and how even difficult marriages can find a way to thrive.